I would try music. A well timed song, something a little sweet and spicy, can move things along. Especially if flirting with girls seems impossible. Here’s how I went about it.
I had been a part-time girl kisser for a while. After waiting to be struck by gay lightening I decided to just go for it. How could I know how it would feel if I didn’t try? I had just moved back to my hometown and was feeling full of possibility. A job at the public library and a drafty apartment of my own gave me the shot of confidence I needed.
I met her through a friend of friend. She had the face of Ingrid Bergman and the hair of Johnny Rotten. She was butch, funny, cool, uniquely herself. My only move was to insert myself in front of her and start talking. My persistent friendliness led to one coffee shop hang and one movie date. I knew these were not real dates. They happened in the daylight and never went on after the planned activity. I was sure I was a stepping stone before she headed off to do something much more exciting and glamorous.
Before our little hangs I would try to think of impressive things to talk about while practicing flirty eyes in the mirror. Of course, very little of this made it into our time together. Around her I felt lightheaded and without control of my limbs. Walking side by side my only focus was to not trip and die. Thankfully she would make a joke, giving me the opportunity to laugh some of my nerves out. Eventually our conversation would find a rhythm but I struggled to get the flirt across. How to signal my gay lady intentions? I needed to steer this away from forever friendship with a side of unrequited crush.
My opportunity came in the form of a thrift store date. One of us would have to borrow a family car and I quickly volunteered to drive. First, I fancy myself a good driver. Second, a car is a controlled environment. It lends itself creating a little vibe.
After securing my family’s old station wagon I went about making a mix tape. I chose a few classics, music from bands we had talked about. I added songs that I hoped would be new to her and made sure the transitions were perfect. Each song had a message that I was willing her to understand. For the case art I dug through old magazines and books from yard sales. Took time printing the songs out in hand writing I hoped read as interesting but casual. A lot of effort to make it seem like I just slapped it together. No big deal, just all my romantic hopes in a cassette case.
When I picked her up it was ready. I had snacks in the form of gummy candy, the temperature in the car was cool enough that I wouldn’t start sweating, and the tape was 30 seconds into the second song. When she slid in and clicked her seatbelt, she immediately commented on the song. I flushed with pride as we set off.
Not to brag, but it went perfectly. I got to effortlessly parallel park the box of a car I was driving on a busy street. I found interesting items that she nodded approval of, a sweater vest like the one she was hoping to find, and a vintage glassware set for my apartment. We shopped the aisles, chatting and laughing easily. I felt light and happy as the music filled the car on the way back. She commented on one of the songs I hoped would be new to her. I calmly said “I thought you might like it” and managed to add a little side eye.
When I drove up to her house I let out a low exhale before taking out the cassette and sliding it in the case. Just like I practiced I handed it to her and in a steady voice said “You can have this. I would start with song one though.” As she reached over to take it I held her gaze, willing her to read my mind. The space filled with electricity as a little smile started in the corner of her mouth. It was finally dawning on her why I was so interested in hanging out. She got out slowly, collected her bags, and gave a little wave.
We were officially girlfriends five days later.